and so it begins

I've struggled with body image, weight and food for a while. Not in the way that I've ever been overweight, but more in the way that I constantly think about it. I'm always thinking I'm going to get fat if I eat this or that, I'm immediately regretting my McDonald's lunch choice as soon as I'm done eating it and I'm getting mad at myself for being to lazy to go to the gym.

I don't like many breakfast foods which generally has me either skipping it completely or just kicking back coffees all morning until lunch. Both equally unhealthy. The bf and I go out to eat a lot. And my whole mentality (as twisted as it is) is that if I'm going to pay for my food I better enjoy it. Which doesn't equal good food choices. Also, I don't usually get home til later on in the evening/night so if we didn't go out to eat that night I will get when I get home. Which consists of snacky foods because I'm far to lazy to make anything at the end of the day.

I say this all to say that right now, currently? I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Am I overweight? Of course not. Actually, wii fit tells me I'm at a "normal" weight and BMI (although he also told me I had gained 8 pounds). I feel totally uncomfortable. I don't want to wear regular clothes and it's even gotten so bad that I don't really want the bf to touch me. I know I'm over exaggerating and being ridiculous but I just feel gross. It didn't help that over break I ate my body weight in cookies and over baked goods and that I haven't been to the gym since Thanksgiving.

The other day I got sick of myself complaining about my current body state and I started thinking about how I'm going to go about changing this. Spring break is right around the corner and I will not be anywhere near a bikini if change doesn't take place. I actually like exercising, I look forward to my workouts. I've seen how I feel when I eat right and I know what it's like to be healthy. It's just getting to that point that is the problem.

So I picked a program, mapped out a routine for the week and started concocting menu ideas that are filling as well as healthy.

This morning, I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's mostly strength so I like to do another form of cardio to blast that fat. So I went to the gym and ran on the thredmil for 30 minutes. I also get a lot of stretching and some glute moves and ended my time in the sauna. I was exhausted but I felt really good and I'm excited to go back tomorrow.

I'm also trying to eat more fresh, natural foods instead of my normal processed, fasted foods. I made some really delicious tomato soup today that consists of 3 lbs roasted fresh tomatoes, a couple of cans of tomatoes, an onion, garlic and fresh herbs. In fact, the only source of fat was the chicken stock (which wasn't bad anyways) and some olive oil I sauteed the onions and garlic in. It's pretty hearty too because of the chunky tomatoes. I'm planning on bringing that for my lunches this week. I also bought some salad mix, fresh vegetables and low fat stir fry sauce. I was messing around with my juicer today too and made the worst juice you could ever drink. It consisted of romaine lettuce, two carrots, one cucumber and a handful of cherry tomatoes. UGH, never again will I make that. But I did get some vegetables in, I guess?

I feel pretty good today and proud that I exercised and ate well. Let's just hope this lasts.....