thank god it's the weekend.
THANK GOD
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
it seems like everyone is doing something lately
i am in some kind of a rut. this last semester of graduate school was intense for me and i slow saw my emotional well being diminish. i wasn't happy.
i thought that once school ended and i graduated that i would miraculously feel better. and while i have been much more like "usual" self lately, i'm not where i want to be.
in turn, i have decided to make some goals for this month. because i really think we all need to strive for something and make ourself better. but mostly because i just can't handle my current self right now and need to make a change.
so here you have it, my goals for july 2010:
- become vegetarian
- become mostly non-diary
- exercise 5 days a week (preferably in the AM) (and seriously attempt to participate in Weigh in Wednesdays
- go to bed before 11pm
- fix hair 3x/week (this sounds so stupid but i have been giving up blowing drying my hair and just pulling it back into a ponytail in order for a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning)
- spend at least 1 night a week with college girlfriends
- write snail mail to friends overseas
- decrease coffee intake to AM only
- decrease pop intake completely
- say at least 1 positive self statement each day (and believe it)
- pay bills in full
- pay tithe
- put 20% of each paycheck in savings
- cooks dinners for the bf and i 2x/week
i don't expect to complete every single one of these goals, but i sure am going to try.....for my sanity.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
sigh
growing up i don't really remember i time where i was ever concerned about my weight. i've always been one of those fortunate girls who could put in minimal effort in physical activity and pound down candy and be happy with herself. i attribute this to being tall (5'8) and coming from good genes.
the first time i can actually remember thinking that i was fat was my junior year of high school. i had gone away to a boarding school about 2 hours from my house and for one reason or another i ballooned up like nobody's business (gaining 20 lbs!) and was at my all time highest,.....150. (something i've never told anyone up until now because i am way to ashamed for every letting myself do that.) at the end of the school year i came home for the summer and it just kind of came off on it's own. when i arrived at school that fall i weighted myself and i was 134 lbs, a place i was comfortable with.
senior year was a weird year for me, and mixed with my unhappiness and boredom i became obsessed with my weight. i stopped going to supper, woke up at 5am to do tae bo with my friend and spent the evening recreation time walking the indoor track at my schools gym. after a case of what i think was mono where i slept and didn't eat for 2 days, i was at my lowest ever.....122 lbs. it's funny though, i can't recall myself thinking i looked good.
between freshman and sophomore years of college i hovered around the 130 mark. i went to the gym every day after work and i tried to limit my food consumption after 6pm. i fluctuated between 130-135 lbs up until 2007.
the fall of 2007 i moved to london for a year to get away from school and do something good. to say the first week or two were rough would be an understatement. long story short, i stayed in my room and didn't eat or do much of anything but cry and got myself under 130 again. eventually i got into the swing of things over there and by the time i came home i was hovering between 140-145 lbs. i wasn't happy with myself, but i wasn't motivated to do anything about it. i was so busy traveling around europe eating fast food and carbs.
after a year i came home and finished my senior year of college, this being the fall of 2008. during that year i hovered around 140 lbs. i started going back to the gym with friends, but i couldn't get my eating under control. i was coming home late, therefore eating supper late. i was also going out to eat...ALOT.
my routine consisted of working out and eating right sunday-wednesday, something would trigger and then i would either be to tired to workout thursday or i would eat something that wasn't healthy, therefore ruining the hard work i had put in that week. that mentality would therefore make me say, "oh, i'll just start over again on sunday" causing me to not workout the rest of the week and eat whatever bad stuff i could get my hands on, thinking i would be able to eat it ever again after sunday. this would continue week after week after week.
which brings us up to date. i'm hovering way to close to be junior year of high school days. so close that i've stopped weighing myself because all i want to do is cry. i'm not really sure how i got here. well, i do know how i let myself get here. i just don't know why.
i do know that i'm sick of feeling like this and i'm sick of listening to myself complain. i feel my best when i'm between 130-135 lbs. a place that seems impossible right now. so i know this is going to take a lot of work. i want to start running again. a few weeks ago i went to visit my friend in chicago for a few nights and one morning we woke up early and went running on a trail along lake michigan. it felt so good i can't even describe it to you. the sun was shining and all the other hard core runners and bikers were out and although it wasn't as easy for me as it used to be it got me excited to start working out consistently again.
so here's the deal. i've been doing a lot of research and i've decided that i'm going to stick to 3 healthy meals a day along with 2 healthy snacks of fruit and protein. i want to incorporate more fresh foods and vegetables into my diet. i want to do low fat/low carb, but i will allow for some brown rice and nuts and beans too. i don't want to do anything to crazy, because i know that i won't stick to it. i want to start running again and doing strength training. i've developed my own routine consisting of a little p90x/insanity, running and yoga.
i'll also be weighing in every wednesday (actually i prefer to weigh on sunday) along side some other bloggers as well. so be sure to check that out. (i'll be linking more as i find them, too.)
it is far past my bedtime now and i have to get up early to workout and be ready and on time when i go to my new job! (holla!) more on that tomorrow!
the first time i can actually remember thinking that i was fat was my junior year of high school. i had gone away to a boarding school about 2 hours from my house and for one reason or another i ballooned up like nobody's business (gaining 20 lbs!) and was at my all time highest,.....150. (something i've never told anyone up until now because i am way to ashamed for every letting myself do that.) at the end of the school year i came home for the summer and it just kind of came off on it's own. when i arrived at school that fall i weighted myself and i was 134 lbs, a place i was comfortable with.
senior year was a weird year for me, and mixed with my unhappiness and boredom i became obsessed with my weight. i stopped going to supper, woke up at 5am to do tae bo with my friend and spent the evening recreation time walking the indoor track at my schools gym. after a case of what i think was mono where i slept and didn't eat for 2 days, i was at my lowest ever.....122 lbs. it's funny though, i can't recall myself thinking i looked good.
between freshman and sophomore years of college i hovered around the 130 mark. i went to the gym every day after work and i tried to limit my food consumption after 6pm. i fluctuated between 130-135 lbs up until 2007.
the fall of 2007 i moved to london for a year to get away from school and do something good. to say the first week or two were rough would be an understatement. long story short, i stayed in my room and didn't eat or do much of anything but cry and got myself under 130 again. eventually i got into the swing of things over there and by the time i came home i was hovering between 140-145 lbs. i wasn't happy with myself, but i wasn't motivated to do anything about it. i was so busy traveling around europe eating fast food and carbs.
after a year i came home and finished my senior year of college, this being the fall of 2008. during that year i hovered around 140 lbs. i started going back to the gym with friends, but i couldn't get my eating under control. i was coming home late, therefore eating supper late. i was also going out to eat...ALOT.
my routine consisted of working out and eating right sunday-wednesday, something would trigger and then i would either be to tired to workout thursday or i would eat something that wasn't healthy, therefore ruining the hard work i had put in that week. that mentality would therefore make me say, "oh, i'll just start over again on sunday" causing me to not workout the rest of the week and eat whatever bad stuff i could get my hands on, thinking i would be able to eat it ever again after sunday. this would continue week after week after week.
which brings us up to date. i'm hovering way to close to be junior year of high school days. so close that i've stopped weighing myself because all i want to do is cry. i'm not really sure how i got here. well, i do know how i let myself get here. i just don't know why.
i do know that i'm sick of feeling like this and i'm sick of listening to myself complain. i feel my best when i'm between 130-135 lbs. a place that seems impossible right now. so i know this is going to take a lot of work. i want to start running again. a few weeks ago i went to visit my friend in chicago for a few nights and one morning we woke up early and went running on a trail along lake michigan. it felt so good i can't even describe it to you. the sun was shining and all the other hard core runners and bikers were out and although it wasn't as easy for me as it used to be it got me excited to start working out consistently again.
so here's the deal. i've been doing a lot of research and i've decided that i'm going to stick to 3 healthy meals a day along with 2 healthy snacks of fruit and protein. i want to incorporate more fresh foods and vegetables into my diet. i want to do low fat/low carb, but i will allow for some brown rice and nuts and beans too. i don't want to do anything to crazy, because i know that i won't stick to it. i want to start running again and doing strength training. i've developed my own routine consisting of a little p90x/insanity, running and yoga.
i'll also be weighing in every wednesday (actually i prefer to weigh on sunday) along side some other bloggers as well. so be sure to check that out. (i'll be linking more as i find them, too.)
it is far past my bedtime now and i have to get up early to workout and be ready and on time when i go to my new job! (holla!) more on that tomorrow!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
the one where i get the award for worst girlfriend EVER
this is so insanely horrendous that i'm almost to embarrassed to write this. but it's also so insanely hilarious that i couldn't not post it.
i had just come back from lunch with the bf. i was getting some tea and preparing myself for my next client when i here the secretary calling me to the desk saying something about a special delivery for me.
and i'm all, "special delivery...whhaaaa?"
and i arrive to see a bucket of flowers, a bear and a card. i open to find...
__________________________________________
to the best girlfriend EVER!!!
i'm not gonna lie, i don't know the exact day but i know it's our anniversary week!! so happy anniversary week. i'm so fortunate to have you in my life.
love,
the bf
__________________________________________
cue me standing in the front office all confused like. and then of course everyone in the office, clients included, wanted to know who they were from and why i got them. and i'm all "the bf?? it's our anniversary??"
now. before you start thinking that i really am the world's worst girlfriend, let me give you some background information.
for those keeping score, the bf and i first starting talking and hanging november 2008. the more we hung out the more we started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. i'm not one to ever initiate having that "are we boyfriend/girlfriend?, does he like me or is this a friends with benefits type of situation?" talk with boys that i like. in fact, i hate having that conversation. i guess he felt the same way, because he never brought it up either.
i was comfortable with how things were going so i never felt like i had to ask him about our label. he had done so many other things for me up until this point that i knew he cared about me a lot. and we had been spending so much time together that i knew he wasn't seeing anyone else.
after getting some beef from a friend of mine (who had just finished reading "he's just not that into at the time) who kept asking me about our label situation and saying that he's not asking me to be his girlfriend because he's JUST THAT THAT INTO YOU! i got really insecure and upset.
so, true to form, i took my crazy ass self over to his house and demanded to know if i could be called his girlfriend. his response?
"i thought you already were?"
and that was the end of that conversation. i guess i should have paid more attention to that date, because that's now my official anniversary. i was always under the impression that our anniversary was around november and i swear i've had talks with him about that. but mostly i tell people we officially began dating in january because that's when we first kissed and started really acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.
needless to say, we both had a good laugh about this whole thing. thankfully he understands our situation and wasn't upset or anything. however, i do feel bad (because who doesn't know when their anniversary is!!??!) and promised to make it up to him with whatever he wants.
and to end, some texts between the bf and i right after i received his gift -
me: did you just send flowers to my office?
the bf: maybe. is there a card?
me: yes. but i'm a little confused?
the bf: ok, isn't it our one year of dating?
the bf: or did i think of a wrong girlfriend. haha
me: .....
me: not funny.
the bf: i'm kidding of course!
i had just come back from lunch with the bf. i was getting some tea and preparing myself for my next client when i here the secretary calling me to the desk saying something about a special delivery for me.
and i'm all, "special delivery...whhaaaa?"
and i arrive to see a bucket of flowers, a bear and a card. i open to find...
__________________________________________
to the best girlfriend EVER!!!
i'm not gonna lie, i don't know the exact day but i know it's our anniversary week!! so happy anniversary week. i'm so fortunate to have you in my life.
love,
the bf
__________________________________________
cue me standing in the front office all confused like. and then of course everyone in the office, clients included, wanted to know who they were from and why i got them. and i'm all "the bf?? it's our anniversary??"
now. before you start thinking that i really am the world's worst girlfriend, let me give you some background information.
for those keeping score, the bf and i first starting talking and hanging november 2008. the more we hung out the more we started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. i'm not one to ever initiate having that "are we boyfriend/girlfriend?, does he like me or is this a friends with benefits type of situation?" talk with boys that i like. in fact, i hate having that conversation. i guess he felt the same way, because he never brought it up either.
i was comfortable with how things were going so i never felt like i had to ask him about our label. he had done so many other things for me up until this point that i knew he cared about me a lot. and we had been spending so much time together that i knew he wasn't seeing anyone else.
after getting some beef from a friend of mine (who had just finished reading "he's just not that into at the time) who kept asking me about our label situation and saying that he's not asking me to be his girlfriend because he's JUST THAT THAT INTO YOU! i got really insecure and upset.
so, true to form, i took my crazy ass self over to his house and demanded to know if i could be called his girlfriend. his response?
"i thought you already were?"
and that was the end of that conversation. i guess i should have paid more attention to that date, because that's now my official anniversary. i was always under the impression that our anniversary was around november and i swear i've had talks with him about that. but mostly i tell people we officially began dating in january because that's when we first kissed and started really acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.
needless to say, we both had a good laugh about this whole thing. thankfully he understands our situation and wasn't upset or anything. however, i do feel bad (because who doesn't know when their anniversary is!!??!) and promised to make it up to him with whatever he wants.
and to end, some texts between the bf and i right after i received his gift -
me: did you just send flowers to my office?
the bf: maybe. is there a card?
me: yes. but i'm a little confused?
the bf: ok, isn't it our one year of dating?
the bf: or did i think of a wrong girlfriend. haha
me: .....
me: not funny.
the bf: i'm kidding of course!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
noooooooo
the bf left to go to LA for business this morning which means i get to be on puppy duty this week.currently we are snuggling on the couch watching the king of queens, playing the sims, and texting the bf as he soars over arkansas. i'm not sure how he's allowed to text from the sky but he assures me that it's safe.
i have given strict instructions to find the kardashian sisters and bring me back an autograph picture, eat at one of guy fieri's restaurants and get a picture with him, skype from the hollywood sign, among others. and he has given strict orders to scratch puppy's chin first thing in the morning, give her hugs everyday, exercise her and many many other ridiculous things relating to the dog that i wish i could tell you he was joking about. when i say that i'm pretty sure he loves his dog more than me i'm NOT exaggerating.
as for now..., puppy and i are going to enjoy our lazinessness, guacamole with homemade tortilla chips and recorded old school episodes of the hills.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Where in the World Wednesday
I forgot to post last week, oops. Here is my second attempt at WITWW.
"The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling."
Below is a picture of the Grand Canyon. The summer before I turned 21 my family and I went on a family vacation to Las Vegas (for figure, right? and before I was 21!). One day we rented a car and drove the 4 hours to the Grand Canyon. It was so hot out I could barely breathe. Looking back, why the heck would anyone want to go to Arizona and Nevada in July? But we did. It was so hot we probably spent about half an hour walking around the Grand Canyon and then left. I also remember being in complete awe. The Grand Canyon didn't look real even though I was standing right in front of it. If you haven't ever been there, I suggest you go. NOW. We then drove the 4 hours back, stopped at the Hoover Dam (which is also quite surreal, and scary...) and headed back to the strip. What a strange week...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
what in the world?
i had the strangest dream the other night. not only was it the strangest dream, but it left me terrified! i woke up around 4:30am scared out of my mind and then i wouldn't allow myself to go back to sleep out of shear fear.
i remember being at some guy's house with two of my best friends. this guy looked identical to the bf, although i remember very vividly that he wasn't my boyfriend. and, just like the bf, he was a foreigner. strange?
anyways, the three of us our hanging out with this man's house. i can't recall how any of us knew him or why we were there to begin with. actually now that i think about it i don't even remember what we were doing at his house. all i can really remember is that i started to hold his hand and i was trying to make out with him. i remember knowing that what i was doing was completely wrong but i didn't even care. afterwards my friends came up to me and told me that they had told the bf what i had done.
this is where things get real bizarre.
i was panicking and i knew that i had to get home to talk to the bf. remember those things you used to play with in gym in elementary school? i don't remember what they were called but they were a little square, only big enough for your to sit crosslegged on and they had four wheels on the bottom and you could scoot yourself all over the gym or having people push you? anyone??
well, that little thing was my transportation home! i had to scoot myself down the road to get him so that i could talk to the bf! it's dark by this time and i see headlights coming down the behind me so i hurry to make the driveway before the car reaches me. as i'm almost to the garage i notice that there is an someone sticking their arm out the window with a gun about to shoot me as they drive by. terrified i drop to the ground and i see the bullet fly over me. i try screaming for someone to help me but i don't have a voice. the car is now pulled over and i try to run to the door dodging bullets.
that's when i woke up in a sheer panic! i was sweating, i was scared and i wanted to cry. i still had a good three hours left to sleep but i wouldn't allow myself to fall back asleep out of fear that i would either die or definitely lose the bf. neither of which i want to happen.
of course i told the bf about the dream in the morning and he thought it was both hilarious and totally ridiculous. i tried to ask him what he thought it might but he offered no good insights.
i don't know why this stupid dream affected me so much. i don't buy into all that hoopla about dream reading and blah blah, but a few days later and i'm still thinking about it....
thoughts??
i remember being at some guy's house with two of my best friends. this guy looked identical to the bf, although i remember very vividly that he wasn't my boyfriend. and, just like the bf, he was a foreigner. strange?
anyways, the three of us our hanging out with this man's house. i can't recall how any of us knew him or why we were there to begin with. actually now that i think about it i don't even remember what we were doing at his house. all i can really remember is that i started to hold his hand and i was trying to make out with him. i remember knowing that what i was doing was completely wrong but i didn't even care. afterwards my friends came up to me and told me that they had told the bf what i had done.
this is where things get real bizarre.
i was panicking and i knew that i had to get home to talk to the bf. remember those things you used to play with in gym in elementary school? i don't remember what they were called but they were a little square, only big enough for your to sit crosslegged on and they had four wheels on the bottom and you could scoot yourself all over the gym or having people push you? anyone??
well, that little thing was my transportation home! i had to scoot myself down the road to get him so that i could talk to the bf! it's dark by this time and i see headlights coming down the behind me so i hurry to make the driveway before the car reaches me. as i'm almost to the garage i notice that there is an someone sticking their arm out the window with a gun about to shoot me as they drive by. terrified i drop to the ground and i see the bullet fly over me. i try screaming for someone to help me but i don't have a voice. the car is now pulled over and i try to run to the door dodging bullets.
that's when i woke up in a sheer panic! i was sweating, i was scared and i wanted to cry. i still had a good three hours left to sleep but i wouldn't allow myself to fall back asleep out of fear that i would either die or definitely lose the bf. neither of which i want to happen.
of course i told the bf about the dream in the morning and he thought it was both hilarious and totally ridiculous. i tried to ask him what he thought it might but he offered no good insights.
i don't know why this stupid dream affected me so much. i don't buy into all that hoopla about dream reading and blah blah, but a few days later and i'm still thinking about it....
thoughts??
Thursday, January 7, 2010
oh won't you be my (blog) valentine?
Ashley over at Ashalah started this Be my (blog) Valentine last year and while I was meaning to be a part of it, I just never did. So when I saw that she was bringing it back I knew that I had to be a part of it this year.What is a Be my (blog) Valentine?
"Well, it’s sort of like Secret Santa. I randomly match up everyone participating with another blogger, you won’t know who has you, and your valentine won’t know you have them. You can send your valentine whatever you would like–a gift card, baked goods, a little carepackage (I got nail polish, lip balm and window stickers from my blog valentine, Maxie!)…whatever you feel your valentine would like. I’d advise taking the time, if you don’t already know your valentine, to look around their blog. You can always find inspiration there."
You have until January 19th to sign up so I suggest that you head over and participate now!Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Where in the World Wednesday
It's Wednesday and something new I'm doing is Classy in Philadelphia's Where in the World Wednesday.The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling.
If you decide to participate, make sure to post it and then post your link in the comments so I and everyone else can check yours out! This is a great way to bring the 20sb community even closer,so be sure to click the links of other participants to find great new blogs to read.
This picture is of Cozumel, Mexico where I spent a week with friends in March. That was my friend's hut on the side there, right in front of the beach. Unfortunately, my hut was way on the opposite side of the resort. I want to go back so badly!
Monday, January 4, 2010
ache
I'm so sore it hurts to lay here in my bed. Seriously. I tried to get up at 7am to work out this morning and it could barely roll myself over to turn off my alarm. I opted to sleep in (since I didn't have class til 10:30am) and work out at the gym in the evening.
Food wise? I had some fruit this morning along with my usual coffee. I also packed an orange for a snack but I left my snack bag in my car by accident and it was far to cold and snowy to go get it between classes. I had a delicious salad for lunch with kidney and garbanzo beans. I also packed some left over tomato soup for supper but that was also in my snack bag in the car. So instead I got a cheese stick and a big bowl of fruit. I came home after the gym and had half a grapefruit and a chocolate chip cookie, hehehehe. I know I probably should be eating more than this but I honestly wasn't that hungry today. I'm kind of hating myself for eating that cookie, but I keep reassuring myself that one cookie isn't going to kill me.
I did end up going to the gym after my last class and I ran on the tredmill for 40 minutes and sat in the sauna before going home.
Today was my first day back to school (for my last semester for graduate school, HOLLA!) and it went really well. They had a two hour delay due to snow but when your first class doesn't start until 10:30am it doesn't really effect you. I'm happy to report that this semester is going to be MUCH easier than last semester. Which I'm so thankful for. Last semester kicked my ass (and I kicked it right back, all A's WHAT! But for real, I don't wish taking 15 credits on my worst enemy...) and it's nice to end my time there on an easy note. I have no tests in any class. Just a few papers and presentations and some therapy role playing projects. Nothing I can't handle.
That's all I have to report today, I'm exhausted and sore. And just to prove that it's been snowing like mad in my neck of the woods, I leave you with this:
Food wise? I had some fruit this morning along with my usual coffee. I also packed an orange for a snack but I left my snack bag in my car by accident and it was far to cold and snowy to go get it between classes. I had a delicious salad for lunch with kidney and garbanzo beans. I also packed some left over tomato soup for supper but that was also in my snack bag in the car. So instead I got a cheese stick and a big bowl of fruit. I came home after the gym and had half a grapefruit and a chocolate chip cookie, hehehehe. I know I probably should be eating more than this but I honestly wasn't that hungry today. I'm kind of hating myself for eating that cookie, but I keep reassuring myself that one cookie isn't going to kill me.
I did end up going to the gym after my last class and I ran on the tredmill for 40 minutes and sat in the sauna before going home.
Today was my first day back to school (for my last semester for graduate school, HOLLA!) and it went really well. They had a two hour delay due to snow but when your first class doesn't start until 10:30am it doesn't really effect you. I'm happy to report that this semester is going to be MUCH easier than last semester. Which I'm so thankful for. Last semester kicked my ass (and I kicked it right back, all A's WHAT! But for real, I don't wish taking 15 credits on my worst enemy...) and it's nice to end my time there on an easy note. I have no tests in any class. Just a few papers and presentations and some therapy role playing projects. Nothing I can't handle.
That's all I have to report today, I'm exhausted and sore. And just to prove that it's been snowing like mad in my neck of the woods, I leave you with this:
Sunday, January 3, 2010
and so it begins
I've struggled with body image, weight and food for a while. Not in the way that I've ever been overweight, but more in the way that I constantly think about it. I'm always thinking I'm going to get fat if I eat this or that, I'm immediately regretting my McDonald's lunch choice as soon as I'm done eating it and I'm getting mad at myself for being to lazy to go to the gym.
I don't like many breakfast foods which generally has me either skipping it completely or just kicking back coffees all morning until lunch. Both equally unhealthy. The bf and I go out to eat a lot. And my whole mentality (as twisted as it is) is that if I'm going to pay for my food I better enjoy it. Which doesn't equal good food choices. Also, I don't usually get home til later on in the evening/night so if we didn't go out to eat that night I will get when I get home. Which consists of snacky foods because I'm far to lazy to make anything at the end of the day.
I say this all to say that right now, currently? I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Am I overweight? Of course not. Actually, wii fit tells me I'm at a "normal" weight and BMI (although he also told me I had gained 8 pounds). I feel totally uncomfortable. I don't want to wear regular clothes and it's even gotten so bad that I don't really want the bf to touch me. I know I'm over exaggerating and being ridiculous but I just feel gross. It didn't help that over break I ate my body weight in cookies and over baked goods and that I haven't been to the gym since Thanksgiving.
The other day I got sick of myself complaining about my current body state and I started thinking about how I'm going to go about changing this. Spring break is right around the corner and I will not be anywhere near a bikini if change doesn't take place. I actually like exercising, I look forward to my workouts. I've seen how I feel when I eat right and I know what it's like to be healthy. It's just getting to that point that is the problem.
So I picked a program, mapped out a routine for the week and started concocting menu ideas that are filling as well as healthy.
This morning, I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's mostly strength so I like to do another form of cardio to blast that fat. So I went to the gym and ran on the thredmil for 30 minutes. I also get a lot of stretching and some glute moves and ended my time in the sauna. I was exhausted but I felt really good and I'm excited to go back tomorrow.
I'm also trying to eat more fresh, natural foods instead of my normal processed, fasted foods. I made some really delicious tomato soup today that consists of 3 lbs roasted fresh tomatoes, a couple of cans of tomatoes, an onion, garlic and fresh herbs. In fact, the only source of fat was the chicken stock (which wasn't bad anyways) and some olive oil I sauteed the onions and garlic in. It's pretty hearty too because of the chunky tomatoes. I'm planning on bringing that for my lunches this week. I also bought some salad mix, fresh vegetables and low fat stir fry sauce. I was messing around with my juicer today too and made the worst juice you could ever drink. It consisted of romaine lettuce, two carrots, one cucumber and a handful of cherry tomatoes. UGH, never again will I make that. But I did get some vegetables in, I guess?
I feel pretty good today and proud that I exercised and ate well. Let's just hope this lasts.....
I don't like many breakfast foods which generally has me either skipping it completely or just kicking back coffees all morning until lunch. Both equally unhealthy. The bf and I go out to eat a lot. And my whole mentality (as twisted as it is) is that if I'm going to pay for my food I better enjoy it. Which doesn't equal good food choices. Also, I don't usually get home til later on in the evening/night so if we didn't go out to eat that night I will get when I get home. Which consists of snacky foods because I'm far to lazy to make anything at the end of the day.
I say this all to say that right now, currently? I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Am I overweight? Of course not. Actually, wii fit tells me I'm at a "normal" weight and BMI (although he also told me I had gained 8 pounds). I feel totally uncomfortable. I don't want to wear regular clothes and it's even gotten so bad that I don't really want the bf to touch me. I know I'm over exaggerating and being ridiculous but I just feel gross. It didn't help that over break I ate my body weight in cookies and over baked goods and that I haven't been to the gym since Thanksgiving.
The other day I got sick of myself complaining about my current body state and I started thinking about how I'm going to go about changing this. Spring break is right around the corner and I will not be anywhere near a bikini if change doesn't take place. I actually like exercising, I look forward to my workouts. I've seen how I feel when I eat right and I know what it's like to be healthy. It's just getting to that point that is the problem.
So I picked a program, mapped out a routine for the week and started concocting menu ideas that are filling as well as healthy.
This morning, I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's mostly strength so I like to do another form of cardio to blast that fat. So I went to the gym and ran on the thredmil for 30 minutes. I also get a lot of stretching and some glute moves and ended my time in the sauna. I was exhausted but I felt really good and I'm excited to go back tomorrow.
I'm also trying to eat more fresh, natural foods instead of my normal processed, fasted foods. I made some really delicious tomato soup today that consists of 3 lbs roasted fresh tomatoes, a couple of cans of tomatoes, an onion, garlic and fresh herbs. In fact, the only source of fat was the chicken stock (which wasn't bad anyways) and some olive oil I sauteed the onions and garlic in. It's pretty hearty too because of the chunky tomatoes. I'm planning on bringing that for my lunches this week. I also bought some salad mix, fresh vegetables and low fat stir fry sauce. I was messing around with my juicer today too and made the worst juice you could ever drink. It consisted of romaine lettuce, two carrots, one cucumber and a handful of cherry tomatoes. UGH, never again will I make that. But I did get some vegetables in, I guess?
I feel pretty good today and proud that I exercised and ate well. Let's just hope this lasts.....
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