growing up i don't really remember i time where i was ever concerned about my weight. i've always been one of those fortunate girls who could put in minimal effort in physical activity and pound down candy and be happy with herself. i attribute this to being tall (5'8) and coming from good genes.
the first time i can actually remember thinking that i was fat was my junior year of high school. i had gone away to a boarding school about 2 hours from my house and for one reason or another i ballooned up like nobody's business (gaining 20 lbs!) and was at my all time highest,.....150. (something i've never told anyone up until now because i am way to ashamed for every letting myself do that.) at the end of the school year i came home for the summer and it just kind of came off on it's own. when i arrived at school that fall i weighted myself and i was 134 lbs, a place i was comfortable with.
senior year was a weird year for me, and mixed with my unhappiness and boredom i became obsessed with my weight. i stopped going to supper, woke up at 5am to do tae bo with my friend and spent the evening recreation time walking the indoor track at my schools gym. after a case of what i think was mono where i slept and didn't eat for 2 days, i was at my lowest ever.....122 lbs. it's funny though, i can't recall myself thinking i looked good.
between freshman and sophomore years of college i hovered around the 130 mark. i went to the gym every day after work and i tried to limit my food consumption after 6pm. i fluctuated between 130-135 lbs up until 2007.
the fall of 2007 i moved to london for a year to get away from school and do something good. to say the first week or two were rough would be an understatement. long story short, i stayed in my room and didn't eat or do much of anything but cry and got myself under 130 again. eventually i got into the swing of things over there and by the time i came home i was hovering between 140-145 lbs. i wasn't happy with myself, but i wasn't motivated to do anything about it. i was so busy traveling around europe eating fast food and carbs.
after a year i came home and finished my senior year of college, this being the fall of 2008. during that year i hovered around 140 lbs. i started going back to the gym with friends, but i couldn't get my eating under control. i was coming home late, therefore eating supper late. i was also going out to eat...ALOT.
my routine consisted of working out and eating right sunday-wednesday, something would trigger and then i would either be to tired to workout thursday or i would eat something that wasn't healthy, therefore ruining the hard work i had put in that week. that mentality would therefore make me say, "oh, i'll just start over again on sunday" causing me to not workout the rest of the week and eat whatever bad stuff i could get my hands on, thinking i would be able to eat it ever again after sunday. this would continue week after week after week.
which brings us up to date. i'm hovering way to close to be junior year of high school days. so close that i've stopped weighing myself because all i want to do is cry. i'm not really sure how i got here. well, i do know how i let myself get here. i just don't know why.
i do know that i'm sick of feeling like this and i'm sick of listening to myself complain. i feel my best when i'm between 130-135 lbs. a place that seems impossible right now. so i know this is going to take a lot of work. i want to start running again. a few weeks ago i went to visit my friend in chicago for a few nights and one morning we woke up early and went running on a trail along lake michigan. it felt so good i can't even describe it to you. the sun was shining and all the other hard core runners and bikers were out and although it wasn't as easy for me as it used to be it got me excited to start working out consistently again.
so here's the deal. i've been doing a lot of research and i've decided that i'm going to stick to 3 healthy meals a day along with 2 healthy snacks of fruit and protein. i want to incorporate more fresh foods and vegetables into my diet. i want to do low fat/low carb, but i will allow for some brown rice and nuts and beans too. i don't want to do anything to crazy, because i know that i won't stick to it. i want to start running again and doing strength training. i've developed my own routine consisting of a little p90x/insanity, running and yoga.
i'll also be weighing in every wednesday (actually i prefer to weigh on sunday) along side some other bloggers as well. so be sure to check that out. (i'll be linking more as i find them, too.)
it is far past my bedtime now and i have to get up early to workout and be ready and on time when i go to my new job! (holla!) more on that tomorrow!
