noooooooo

the bf left to go to LA for business this morning which means i get to be on puppy duty this week.

currently we are snuggling on the couch watching the king of queens, playing the sims, and texting the bf as he soars over arkansas. i'm not sure how he's allowed to text from the sky but he assures me that it's safe.

i have given strict instructions to find the kardashian sisters and bring me back an autograph picture, eat at one of guy fieri's restaurants and get a picture with him, skype from the hollywood sign, among others. and he has given strict orders to scratch puppy's chin first thing in the morning, give her hugs everyday, exercise her and many many other ridiculous things relating to the dog that i wish i could tell you he was joking about. when i say that i'm pretty sure he loves his dog more than me i'm NOT exaggerating.

as for now..., puppy and i are going to enjoy our lazinessness, guacamole with homemade tortilla chips and recorded old school episodes of the hills.

because everyone is doing it (and so should you!)*

*also, WHY THE HELL IS IT STILL TILTED!

Where in the World Wednesday

I forgot to post last week, oops. Here is my second attempt at WITWW.

"The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling."

Below is a picture of the Grand Canyon. The summer before I turned 21 my family and I went on a family vacation to Las Vegas (for figure, right? and before I was 21!). One day we rented a car and drove the 4 hours to the Grand Canyon. It was so hot out I could barely breathe. Looking back, why the heck would anyone want to go to Arizona and Nevada in July? But we did. It was so hot we probably spent about half an hour walking around the Grand Canyon and then left. I also remember being in complete awe. The Grand Canyon didn't look real even though I was standing right in front of it. If you haven't ever been there, I suggest you go. NOW. We then drove the 4 hours back, stopped at the Hoover Dam (which is also quite surreal, and scary...) and headed back to the strip. What a strange week...

what in the world?

i had the strangest dream the other night. not only was it the strangest dream, but it left me terrified! i woke up around 4:30am scared out of my mind and then i wouldn't allow myself to go back to sleep out of shear fear.

i remember being at some guy's house with two of my best friends. this guy looked identical to the bf, although i remember very vividly that he wasn't my boyfriend. and, just like the bf, he was a foreigner. strange?

anyways, the three of us our hanging out with this man's house. i can't recall how any of us knew him or why we were there to begin with. actually now that i think about it i don't even remember what we were doing at his house. all i can really remember is that i started to hold his hand and i was trying to make out with him. i remember knowing that what i was doing was completely wrong but i didn't even care. afterwards my friends came up to me and told me that they had told the bf what i had done.

this is where things get real bizarre.

i was panicking and i knew that i had to get home to talk to the bf. remember those things you used to play with in gym in elementary school? i don't remember what they were called but they were a little square, only big enough for your to sit crosslegged on and they had four wheels on the bottom and you could scoot yourself all over the gym or having people push you? anyone??

well, that little thing was my transportation home! i had to scoot myself down the road to get him so that i could talk to the bf! it's dark by this time and i see headlights coming down the behind me so i hurry to make the driveway before the car reaches me. as i'm almost to the garage i notice that there is an someone sticking their arm out the window with a gun about to shoot me as they drive by. terrified i drop to the ground and i see the bullet fly over me. i try screaming for someone to help me but i don't have a voice. the car is now pulled over and i try to run to the door dodging bullets.

that's when i woke up in a sheer panic! i was sweating, i was scared and i wanted to cry. i still had a good three hours left to sleep but i wouldn't allow myself to fall back asleep out of fear that i would either die or definitely lose the bf. neither of which i want to happen.

of course i told the bf about the dream in the morning and he thought it was both hilarious and totally ridiculous. i tried to ask him what he thought it might but he offered no good insights.

i don't know why this stupid dream affected me so much. i don't buy into all that hoopla about dream reading and blah blah, but a few days later and i'm still thinking about it....

thoughts??

oh won't you be my (blog) valentine?

Ashley over at Ashalah started this Be my (blog) Valentine last year and while I was meaning to be a part of it, I just never did. So when I saw that she was bringing it back I knew that I had to be a part of it this year.

What is a Be my (blog) Valentine?

"Well, it’s sort of like Secret Santa. I randomly match up everyone participating with another blogger, you won’t know who has you, and your valentine won’t know you have them. You can send your valentine whatever you would like–a gift card, baked goods, a little carepackage (I got nail polish, lip balm and window stickers from my blog valentine, Maxie!)…whatever you feel your valentine would like. I’d advise taking the time, if you don’t already know your valentine, to look around their blog. You can always find inspiration there."

You have until January 19th to sign up so I suggest that you head over and participate now!

Where in the World Wednesday

It's Wednesday and something new I'm doing is Classy in Philadelphia's Where in the World Wednesday.

The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the world...it doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling.

If you decide to participate, make sure to post it and then post your link in the comments so I and everyone else can check yours out! This is a great way to bring the 20sb community even closer,so be sure to click the links of other participants to find great new blogs to read.

This picture is of Cozumel, Mexico where I spent a week with friends in March. That was my friend's hut on the side there, right in front of the beach. Unfortunately, my hut was way on the opposite side of the resort. I want to go back so badly!

ache

I'm so sore it hurts to lay here in my bed. Seriously. I tried to get up at 7am to work out this morning and it could barely roll myself over to turn off my alarm. I opted to sleep in (since I didn't have class til 10:30am) and work out at the gym in the evening.

Food wise? I had some fruit this morning along with my usual coffee. I also packed an orange for a snack but I left my snack bag in my car by accident and it was far to cold and snowy to go get it between classes. I had a delicious salad for lunch with kidney and garbanzo beans. I also packed some left over tomato soup for supper but that was also in my snack bag in the car. So instead I got a cheese stick and a big bowl of fruit. I came home after the gym and had half a grapefruit and a chocolate chip cookie, hehehehe. I know I probably should be eating more than this but I honestly wasn't that hungry today. I'm kind of hating myself for eating that cookie, but I keep reassuring myself that one cookie isn't going to kill me.

I did end up going to the gym after my last class and I ran on the tredmill for 40 minutes and sat in the sauna before going home.

Today was my first day back to school (for my last semester for graduate school, HOLLA!) and it went really well. They had a two hour delay due to snow but when your first class doesn't start until 10:30am it doesn't really effect you. I'm happy to report that this semester is going to be MUCH easier than last semester. Which I'm so thankful for. Last semester kicked my ass (and I kicked it right back, all A's WHAT! But for real, I don't wish taking 15 credits on my worst enemy...) and it's nice to end my time there on an easy note. I have no tests in any class. Just a few papers and presentations and some therapy role playing projects. Nothing I can't handle.

That's all I have to report today, I'm exhausted and sore. And just to prove that it's been snowing like mad in my neck of the woods, I leave you with this:

and so it begins

I've struggled with body image, weight and food for a while. Not in the way that I've ever been overweight, but more in the way that I constantly think about it. I'm always thinking I'm going to get fat if I eat this or that, I'm immediately regretting my McDonald's lunch choice as soon as I'm done eating it and I'm getting mad at myself for being to lazy to go to the gym.

I don't like many breakfast foods which generally has me either skipping it completely or just kicking back coffees all morning until lunch. Both equally unhealthy. The bf and I go out to eat a lot. And my whole mentality (as twisted as it is) is that if I'm going to pay for my food I better enjoy it. Which doesn't equal good food choices. Also, I don't usually get home til later on in the evening/night so if we didn't go out to eat that night I will get when I get home. Which consists of snacky foods because I'm far to lazy to make anything at the end of the day.

I say this all to say that right now, currently? I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Am I overweight? Of course not. Actually, wii fit tells me I'm at a "normal" weight and BMI (although he also told me I had gained 8 pounds). I feel totally uncomfortable. I don't want to wear regular clothes and it's even gotten so bad that I don't really want the bf to touch me. I know I'm over exaggerating and being ridiculous but I just feel gross. It didn't help that over break I ate my body weight in cookies and over baked goods and that I haven't been to the gym since Thanksgiving.

The other day I got sick of myself complaining about my current body state and I started thinking about how I'm going to go about changing this. Spring break is right around the corner and I will not be anywhere near a bikini if change doesn't take place. I actually like exercising, I look forward to my workouts. I've seen how I feel when I eat right and I know what it's like to be healthy. It's just getting to that point that is the problem.

So I picked a program, mapped out a routine for the week and started concocting menu ideas that are filling as well as healthy.

This morning, I did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's mostly strength so I like to do another form of cardio to blast that fat. So I went to the gym and ran on the thredmil for 30 minutes. I also get a lot of stretching and some glute moves and ended my time in the sauna. I was exhausted but I felt really good and I'm excited to go back tomorrow.

I'm also trying to eat more fresh, natural foods instead of my normal processed, fasted foods. I made some really delicious tomato soup today that consists of 3 lbs roasted fresh tomatoes, a couple of cans of tomatoes, an onion, garlic and fresh herbs. In fact, the only source of fat was the chicken stock (which wasn't bad anyways) and some olive oil I sauteed the onions and garlic in. It's pretty hearty too because of the chunky tomatoes. I'm planning on bringing that for my lunches this week. I also bought some salad mix, fresh vegetables and low fat stir fry sauce. I was messing around with my juicer today too and made the worst juice you could ever drink. It consisted of romaine lettuce, two carrots, one cucumber and a handful of cherry tomatoes. UGH, never again will I make that. But I did get some vegetables in, I guess?

I feel pretty good today and proud that I exercised and ate well. Let's just hope this lasts.....