Friday, July 9, 2010

i only have enough energy to tell you this

thank god it's the weekend.


Thursday, July 1, 2010

it seems like everyone is doing something lately

i am in some kind of a rut. this last semester of graduate school was intense for me and i slow saw my emotional well being diminish. i wasn't happy.

i thought that once school ended and i graduated that i would miraculously feel better. and while i have been much more like "usual" self lately, i'm not where i want to be.

in turn, i have decided to make some goals for this month. because i really think we all need to strive for something and make ourself better. but mostly because i just can't handle my current self right now and need to make a change.

so here you have it, my goals for july 2010:
  • become vegetarian
  • become mostly non-diary
  • exercise 5 days a week (preferably in the AM) (and seriously attempt to participate in Weigh in Wednesdays
  • go to bed before 11pm
  • fix hair 3x/week (this sounds so stupid but i have been giving up blowing drying my hair and just pulling it back into a ponytail in order for a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning)
  • spend at least 1 night a week with college girlfriends
  • write snail mail to friends overseas
  • decrease coffee intake to AM only
  • decrease pop intake completely
  • say at least 1 positive self statement each day (and believe it)
  • pay bills in full
  • pay tithe
  • put 20% of each paycheck in savings
  • cooks dinners for the bf and i 2x/week
i don't expect to complete every single one of these goals, but i sure am going to try.....for my sanity.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


growing up i don't really remember i time where i was ever concerned about my weight. i've always been one of those fortunate girls who could put in minimal effort in physical activity and pound down candy and be happy with herself. i attribute this to being tall (5'8) and coming from good genes.

the first time i can actually remember thinking that i was fat was my junior year of high school. i had gone away to a boarding school about 2 hours from my house and for one reason or another i ballooned up like nobody's business (gaining 20 lbs!) and was at my all time highest,.....150. (something i've never told anyone up until now because i am way to ashamed for every letting myself do that.) at the end of the school year i came home for the summer and it just kind of came off on it's own. when i arrived at school that fall i weighted myself and i was 134 lbs, a place i was comfortable with.

senior year was a weird year for me, and mixed with my unhappiness and boredom i became obsessed with my weight. i stopped going to supper, woke up at 5am to do tae bo with my friend and spent the evening recreation time walking the indoor track at my schools gym. after a case of what i think was mono where i slept and didn't eat for 2 days, i was at my lowest ever.....122 lbs. it's funny though, i can't recall myself thinking i looked good.

between freshman and sophomore years of college i hovered around the 130 mark. i went to the gym every day after work and i tried to limit my food consumption after 6pm. i fluctuated between 130-135 lbs up until 2007.

the fall of 2007 i moved to london for a year to get away from school and do something good. to say the first week or two were rough would be an understatement. long story short, i stayed in my room and didn't eat or do much of anything but cry and got myself under 130 again. eventually i got into the swing of things over there and by the time i came home i was hovering between 140-145 lbs. i wasn't happy with myself, but i wasn't motivated to do anything about it. i was so busy traveling around europe eating fast food and carbs.

after a year i came home and finished my senior year of college, this being the fall of 2008. during that year i hovered around 140 lbs. i started going back to the gym with friends, but i couldn't get my eating under control. i was coming home late, therefore eating supper late. i was also going out to eat...ALOT.

my routine consisted of working out and eating right sunday-wednesday, something would trigger and then i would either be to tired to workout thursday or i would eat something that wasn't healthy, therefore ruining the hard work i had put in that week. that mentality would therefore make me say, "oh, i'll just start over again on sunday" causing me to not workout the rest of the week and eat whatever bad stuff i could get my hands on, thinking i would be able to eat it ever again after sunday. this would continue week after week after week.

which brings us up to date. i'm hovering way to close to be junior year of high school days. so close that i've stopped weighing myself because all i want to do is cry. i'm not really sure how i got here. well, i do know how i let myself get here. i just don't know why.

i do know that i'm sick of feeling like this and i'm sick of listening to myself complain. i feel my best when i'm between 130-135 lbs. a place that seems impossible right now. so i know this is going to take a lot of work. i want to start running again. a few weeks ago i went to visit my friend in chicago for a few nights and one morning we woke up early and went running on a trail along lake michigan. it felt so good i can't even describe it to you. the sun was shining and all the other hard core runners and bikers were out and although it wasn't as easy for me as it used to be it got me excited to start working out consistently again.

so here's the deal. i've been doing a lot of research and i've decided that i'm going to stick to 3 healthy meals a day along with 2 healthy snacks of fruit and protein. i want to incorporate more fresh foods and vegetables into my diet. i want to do low fat/low carb, but i will allow for some brown rice and nuts and beans too. i don't want to do anything to crazy, because i know that i won't stick to it. i want to start running again and doing strength training. i've developed my own routine consisting of a little p90x/insanity, running and yoga.

i'll also be weighing in every wednesday (actually i prefer to weigh on sunday) along side some other bloggers as well. so be sure to check that out. (i'll be linking more as i find them, too.)

it is far past my bedtime now and i have to get up early to workout and be ready and on time when i go to my new job! (holla!) more on that tomorrow!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

the one where i get the award for worst girlfriend EVER

this is so insanely horrendous that i'm almost to embarrassed to write this. but it's also so insanely hilarious that i couldn't not post it.

i had just come back from lunch with the bf. i was getting some tea and preparing myself for my next client when i here the secretary calling me to the desk saying something about a special delivery for me.

and i'm all, "special delivery...whhaaaa?"

and i arrive to see a bucket of flowers, a bear and a card. i open to find...


to the best girlfriend EVER!!!

i'm not gonna lie, i don't know the exact day but i know it's our anniversary week!! so happy anniversary week. i'm so fortunate to have you in my life.

the bf


cue me standing in the front office all confused like. and then of course everyone in the office, clients included, wanted to know who they were from and why i got them. and i'm all "the bf?? it's our anniversary??"

now. before you start thinking that i really am the world's worst girlfriend, let me give you some background information.

for those keeping score, the bf and i first starting talking and hanging november 2008. the more we hung out the more we started acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. i'm not one to ever initiate having that "are we boyfriend/girlfriend?, does he like me or is this a friends with benefits type of situation?" talk with boys that i like. in fact, i hate having that conversation. i guess he felt the same way, because he never brought it up either.

i was comfortable with how things were going so i never felt like i had to ask him about our label. he had done so many other things for me up until this point that i knew he cared about me a lot. and we had been spending so much time together that i knew he wasn't seeing anyone else.

after getting some beef from a friend of mine (who had just finished reading "he's just not that into at the time) who kept asking me about our label situation and saying that he's not asking me to be his girlfriend because he's JUST THAT THAT INTO YOU! i got really insecure and upset.

so, true to form, i took my crazy ass self over to his house and demanded to know if i could be called his girlfriend. his response?

"i thought you already were?"

and that was the end of that conversation. i guess i should have paid more attention to that date, because that's now my official anniversary. i was always under the impression that our anniversary was around november and i swear i've had talks with him about that. but mostly i tell people we officially began dating in january because that's when we first kissed and started really acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.

needless to say, we both had a good laugh about this whole thing. thankfully he understands our situation and wasn't upset or anything. however, i do feel bad (because who doesn't know when their anniversary is!!??!) and promised to make it up to him with whatever he wants.

and to end, some texts between the bf and i right after i received his gift -

me: did you just send flowers to my office?
the bf: maybe. is there a card?
me: yes. but i'm a little confused?
the bf: ok, isn't it our one year of dating?
the bf: or did i think of a wrong girlfriend. haha
me: .....
me: not funny.
the bf: i'm kidding of course!

Saturday, January 30, 2010


the bf left to go to LA for business this morning which means i get to be on puppy duty this week.

currently we are snuggling on the couch watching the king of queens, playing the sims, and texting the bf as he soars over arkansas. i'm not sure how he's allowed to text from the sky but he assures me that it's safe.

i have given strict instructions to find the kardashian sisters and bring me back an autograph picture, eat at one of guy fieri's restaurants and get a picture with him, skype from the hollywood sign, among others. and he has given strict orders to scratch puppy's chin first thing in the morning, give her hugs everyday, exercise her and many many other ridiculous things relating to the dog that i wish i could tell you he was joking about. when i say that i'm pretty sure he loves his dog more than me i'm NOT exaggerating.

as for now..., puppy and i are going to enjoy our lazinessness, guacamole with homemade tortilla chips and recorded old school episodes of the hills.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Where in the World Wednesday

I forgot to post last week, oops. Here is my second attempt at WITWW.

"The idea of WITWW is to post a picture of you in someplace in the doesn't have to be somewhere foreign or tropical. Just a picture of you somewhere that you consider traveling."

Below is a picture of the Grand Canyon. The summer before I turned 21 my family and I went on a family vacation to Las Vegas (for figure, right? and before I was 21!). One day we rented a car and drove the 4 hours to the Grand Canyon. It was so hot out I could barely breathe. Looking back, why the heck would anyone want to go to Arizona and Nevada in July? But we did. It was so hot we probably spent about half an hour walking around the Grand Canyon and then left. I also remember being in complete awe. The Grand Canyon didn't look real even though I was standing right in front of it. If you haven't ever been there, I suggest you go. NOW. We then drove the 4 hours back, stopped at the Hoover Dam (which is also quite surreal, and scary...) and headed back to the strip. What a strange week...